What's *your* punchline?

Based on Flatmate Tom's assertion that any evening is over when people start telling jokes ("you know, jokes jokes") the three of us thought it would be better/ more fun/ an interesting conecptual experiment (riiiight) to try and come up with punchlines to random joke openings. We weren't very good at it. 'Best' one of mine:

Tom: What happened to the plane load of sheep that went to Ibiza?
[silence as three red-wine-fogged brains creak about a bit.]
Me: They had it laaaaarrrge.
[Dave packs up laughing. I think this says more about Dave/ the amount he'd drunk than my abilities as a comedian.]

So...

How many Samuri does it take to change a light bulb?

Did you hear about the woman who could only eat cake?

So, Zidane walks into a record shop...


Go on. There's a comments box waiting for you. Make me laugh bitches.

Tapes 'n' Tapes

"Did he just say 'I'll be your badger?"
"The name reminds me of stalker-ish indie boys."
"..."
"You know, how they'd try and win you over, mixtapes 'n' mixtapes 'n' mixtapes."

(I actually, on first listen, don't mind this album, but I'm currently failing to see what all the fuss is about.)

Purple hat

The man was standing near the bottom of the escalator at Warren Street Tube station and staring at the picture. He looked like a photograph himself: tall, but with stooped shoulders, dark black skin, a crumpled black suit - although he'd removed the jacket and was letting it droop onto the floor - and a glorious purple Fedora with a tarnished gold hatband. I had a quick scan, being certain I'd see a battered horn case too, but there was nothing.
He was staring and staring at a picture of Her Royal Highness Princess Diana as photographed by Mario Testino; a poster for an exhibition. There was Di, slightly bigger than life, in black and white with that come-hither-but-don't-hurt-me expression she was so good at. And he was transfixed, looking her bang in the eye and as still as the picture.
He looked so sad. I was transfixed myself, by him not her, and I watched him looking all the way up the escalator.